Monday, July 2, 2012

Sweetness... is it?

(via Whatsapp)
Gue     : "Papa kangen cici gak?"
Bokap : " Kenapa emangnya?"
Gue     : "Gapapa, iseng nanya."
Bokap : "Berarti kamu yg kangen sama papa."
Gue     : "Iya kali ya, tapi gak mau ngaku."
Bokap : "Kita emang gak mau ngaku."
Gue     : "Hahaha."
Bokap : "Kata orang sih, itu ciri-ciri orang pinter."
Gue     : "Apa hubungannya?"
Bokap : "Khan pinter membuang perasaan, pinter pancing-pancing orang yg dikangenin, pinter belagak nggak kangen, pinter pura-pura sibuk biar lupa kangennya, pinter nanya n whatsapp."

Terus gue tersipu-sipu.

* * *

Tell me, what kind of father-daughter relationship is this?

Monday, May 21, 2012


Ke mana perginya jiwa manusia ketika mereka tertidur?

Aku tidak percaya bahwa tidur hanya sebatas prosesi memejamkan mata dan mengistirahatkan raga.
Mengapa ada mereka yang sulit untuk terjaga?
Dugaku, jiwa mereka sudah berkelana jauh,terlalu jauh dari tubuhnya.
Mengapa ada yang bernama mimpi?
Mengapa mereka kadang terasa begitu nyata?
Karena kamu sungguh ada di sana,
bukannya ilusi otak semata,
yang kata mereka terlalu giat berkinerja.

Aku tidak percaya.
Aku lebih percaya apa yang aku lihat ada dan nyata.
Senyata apa yang kulihat dua malam lalu
Ketika sebuah jiwa kulihat lepas dari raganya.

@KFC Depok, 04.03 AM
19 Mei 2012


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Labels & Its Unattachment

Kita, manusia, senantiasa dikelilingi label.
Ini bukan pernyataan yang dilempar untuk diperdebatkan.
Sebaliknya, ini merupakan pernyataan yang tidak tergoyahkan.
Pernyataan ini benar sebenar-benarnya, entah kamu sadar atau tidak.
Bahwa hidup kita senantiasa terikat oleh label. Kita berusaha meraih label.
Menargetkan segenap pencapaian demi mendapatkan titel.
Dan apa namanya titel-titel itu kalau bukan label? Label sebagai mahasiswa universitas ternama, sebagai ayah, sebagai akademisi dengan sederet gelar, sebagai penyuka suatu genre lagu,
dan seterusnya dan seterusnya.
Tapi jika semua label itu dicopot, apakah kamu masih bisa mendefinisikan dirimu sendiri?


Seolah eksistensi kita ditentukan oleh seberapa banyak label yang menyertai kita.
Kamu ada atau tidak?
Manusia atau bukan?
Atau kamu cuma umbi bawang
Ditelanjangi lapisan demi lapisannya, lalu menjadi tiada?
Karena dia tidak punya apa-apa selain tumpukan sel berbentuk lapisan.
Miskin eksistensi.

Entah sejak kapan, saya nyaris menghindar dari segala bentuk keterikatan.
Termasuk keterikatan akan label.
Setiap saya berusaha mendeskripsikan diri saya, saya akan menghindari penggunaan label.
Untuk membuktikan bahwa saya sepenuhnya manusia,
bukan cuma makhluk hasil akumulasi label-label pemberian sesama.

Tetapi toh ada label mayor yang tidak mampu dihindari sebagian besar manusia: Nama.
Ya, semua orang punya nama, bukan?
Ketika ada manusia tanpa nama, manusia lainnya akan bersikeras memberi nama.
Karena mereka bingung harus memanggil apa.


Padahal, makhluk lain tidak memerlukan nama untuk meyakinkan dirinya ada.
Kenapa kita, yang konon katanya makhluk paling sempurna dan berakal,
justru kebingungan untuk menemukan eksistensi tanpa bantuan aksara?

Adalah angan terbesar saya
Untuk tetap menancapkan eksistensi di dunia.
Tanpa bantuan sekumpulan aksara yang mereka sebut 'nama'.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


"Even a little change in hairstyle can make all the difference to a girl... down to the way she walks."
- Alicia Florence, in ARIA #03

Pretty much seem like a narcissistic post. It was not what I intended it to be, though. I just felt it's somehow obligatory to let you know. Although it's been almost a week since I got my hair cut.

I don't know how haircut could exactly affect someone's way of viewing something. But I feel like walking rather freely ever since. I don't know why. Maybe it's the matter of suggestive thingy. Or maybe it does really have such efficacy.

I feel very much alright.

Saturday, March 3, 2012


Oh, the irony
Oh, the clashing concept of innocence and so-called adult things.

Don't you just love it?
The way one taints another


Frieke Janssens was working on a photography project called 'SMOKING KIDS'. These are screenshots from his 'behind-the-scenes' video.
Click here to see his amazing artworks.

P.S. : Bunch of thanks to Valen for sharing these great pieces of art in her post

Dark Ages

When you have settled the point you've wanted to reach, it would be rather easy to plan steps in order to get you to it, though it wouldn't be easy to stay faithful to your plans.
But what if you haven't?
What if you don't know?

I don't know what I've been aiming in life
I wander aimlessly
This depressing thought, corroborated with hormone instability due to monthly period (which I didn’t aware of) , brought me to think of extreme choices
I thought of retaking SNMPTN test in order to change major,
I thought of paying my own tuition
I thought of taking hiatus academically
Pretty insensible, but I took these choices seriously at that time
I questioned whether my decision to be involved in organisations was right or not
I try many things impulsively, because I'm afraid I'll do nothing
I don't know whether it will relate to what I've been aiming or not
I don't know whether I could gain anything from it or it rather costs me things instead
I got lost.

Seems like,
These are the darkest ages in my life.

(Not in term of life adversity, of course,
but rather in term of life direction)

But, as they say,
"It's always been darkest before dawn."

One, probably, must always falls to the lowest level before she can jump to reach the highest point in her life.
How could one knows what success is when she knows no failure?
Didn't J. K. Rowling has to taste the bitterness of failure marriage and joblessness before she finally become so very determined upon what she had been doing?
Didn't Paulo Coelho has to experience the word 'lost' itself before he finally was spiritually enlightened?

Hence, maybe, if I hang on
This phase will eventually pass on
I will eventually see a glimpse of illumination at the end of the road

22. 2. 2012
After getting out of one of those classes,
and was like 'What the hell was that?!'

Sunday, February 26, 2012


Few days ago, all of sudden I am reminded of a writing I once wrote when I was a kid, seated in elementary.
As long as I can remember it was pretty absurd in certain way that I grew curious of how would it sounded like if I reread it now. I then tried to find where the file is (I remember I typed and saved it in my computer), but I found nothing. Seems like it was lost due to the reformatting that once done upon the hard-disk.

Anyway, I am going to try to recall what I wrote back then. Can't rewrite it for you in the exact words, of course, so I will just describe what it was like and about.

The writing was inferred from my thorough observation upon this two (familiar to you, I believe) pictures.

When I looked at the first picture (Winter Forest, so it is entitled),
I couldn't think about anything but the images of a poor lumberman who was lost between the woods,
wandering hopelessly in order to find his way back to his wooden hut.

I could even imagine the fear he must had been feeling all the time, which turned into distraught. He yearned for warmth he could have been experiencing on that very moment, by sitting in front of the fireplace, which fire was lit from pieces of lumber he had collected and been carrying all along, and had made his back turned quite sore. He had been screaming for help, crying in desperation for quite awhile, until it was too hurtful for his throat to persist on doing such useless effort. No one would have heard him. No one could have been taking a walk deep into the forest in this frosty blizzard.
Indeed, no one.
And then he was there, lying on the snow, wishing so dearly that the suffering caused by the unmercifully cold weather, and, moreover, the thoughts of his dying alone, would soon end.
After a moment or two, he took his last breath away.

....THAT very ridiculous imagination later caused me to experience inexplicable fright and unpleasant sensation each time I look at the picture. I got so emotionally involved with the things I had been imagining. And I turned to dislike the picture very, very much.

The second picture (Blue Mountain) gave no better impression for me.
It seemed like I could hear the howl of the distressed missing man.
I got extremely terrified.

* * *

Sadly now, when I look at those pictures, my mind tells me nothing about this picture, other than the fact that they are merely pictures of random scenery used by Windows as screensaver. I could barely feel the fright I used to own.

...I miss my imagination as a child.