When you have settled the point you've wanted to reach, it would be rather easy to plan steps in order to get you to it, though it wouldn't be easy to stay faithful to your plans.
But what if you haven't?
What if you don't know?
I don't know what I've been aiming in life
I wander aimlessly
This depressing thought, corroborated with hormone instability due to monthly period (which I didn’t aware of) , brought me to think of extreme choices
I thought of retaking SNMPTN test in order to change major,
I thought of paying my own tuition
I thought of taking hiatus academically
Pretty insensible, but I took these choices seriously at that time
I questioned whether my decision to be involved in organisations was right or not
I try many things impulsively, because I'm afraid I'll do nothing
I don't know whether it will relate to what I've been aiming or not
I don't know whether I could gain anything from it or it rather costs me things instead
I got lost.
Seems like,
These are the darkest ages in my life.
(Not in term of life adversity, of course,
but rather in term of life direction)
But, as they say,
"It's always been darkest before dawn."
One, probably, must always falls to the lowest level before she can jump to reach the highest point in her life.
How could one knows what success is when she knows no failure?
Didn't J. K. Rowling has to taste the bitterness of failure marriage and joblessness before she finally become so very determined upon what she had been doing?
Didn't Paulo Coelho has to experience the word 'lost' itself before he finally was spiritually enlightened?
Hence, maybe, if I hang on
This phase will eventually pass on
I will eventually see a glimpse of illumination at the end of the road
22. 2. 2012
After getting out of one of those classes,
and was like 'What the hell was that?!'
