My last post was on the 7th of September. Haven't posted anything ever since. Now it's nearly the end of November.
Okay, I admit this blog has been terribly abandoned. Horribly. For nearly 3 months.
I am currently writing this with mixture of excitement, rage, and disappointment with myself. I couldn't tell which has the biggest portions. I really am excited to write and tell you a lot of things that has been happening for the last 3 months, like, reaaallly lot--tremendous in quantity--things. Well, how could not so? Lots of things happens in a single day, depends on what perspective you put in seeing things. And imagine that it has been accumulated for 3 months--90 days plus plus. Wow. Millions of tiny fragments of life momentums.
On the other side, I am in sort of anger and disappointment, that I could not control and force myself to write. Write. Just to sit in front of computer and to type something. Trash, poems, whatsoevers. I could not. How could so? I keep procrastinating and seeking reasons for not doing something instead of seeking urges to push me through. Not that I am not distracted with academic business for the past 3 months... It's just, writing supposed to be my way to escape, to heal myself through those hectic moments. And now that I have to push that hard to make myself to WRITE something... I start to question whether this is really the call of my life. Nah, but that's just one of those insignificant silly thoughts that pointlessly appears, I guess.
Pardon me if this writing seems to be pretty disorganised in terms of grammar, vocabulary, structure, content, and such. The blade has been blunt and rusty due to its lack of usage, it seems.
Like I've said, I have a lot to tell you and I couldn't help but hope that I shall not forget what exactly are things that I'm going to tell you. In order to not letting those things be forgotten, I may write my next posts not neatly organised in term of timeline. I may write what happened yesterday first, then I move slowly to what happened three days ago, last week, et cetera. I shall write what I initially remember, sequentially and emotionally.
And, oh, I would like to inform you that I'd likely to abandon this blog for another week, due to my first theatrical performance in Graha Bakti Budaya, Taman Ismail Marzuki on November 25th-27th.
Yippie-ka-yeay!
Maybe you're currently questioning, why on earth, out of sudden, I could take part in a play that performs in TIM? Well, lots of things definitely has occurred during my absence, hasn't it? :)
I thought I was the only one who questioned if the major I'd been doing was really my calling, and there was a number of times I felt like dropping out and changing my major. Probably if not hopefully just "first-year crisis" LOL
ReplyDeleteI am not really questioning about my interest in writing. I know I always want to write, to share my thoughts. But observing my absence in updating my blog, I start to wonder what could be the possible cause of it... Then that silly thought appears. It was just another impulsive pointless thought, I think (or at least, I hope so).
ReplyDeleteBut on the point of questioning the major you're taking... You are not alone. Not that I don't enjoy subjects I am learning in my major, since I usually am interested in learning anything. Yet, I eventually think of 'what if's. What if I dropped out? What if I take the university entrance exam next year, majoring in Philosophy? But that's just too extreme, I think. After all, we're still depending on our parents to pay the tuition fee, right? I can't imagine what would their reaction be if the idea of doing so being represented.
Forgive me for the prolix reply. Can't help.
Perhaps our reasons behind the thought of dropping out are different, as mine was more like - the major I'm taking is way too different from my expectation, instead of what-if-I-major-in-other-field. And this just makes my decision seem reckless - why I chose something I "might" like instead of something I "do like less" however am capable of.
ReplyDeleteBut after all, I can only learn to like and try to gain the calling, as I don't wanna make another reckless decision, dropping out.