(say hi to) DAUL KIM

I was contemplating what to write tonight when I suddenly reminded of her. I then added her blog's link to my page.
The 'I LIKE TO FORK MYSELF' one...? Yes, that is hers.

You may (not) know her. She is Daul Kim, a South-Korean supermodel.
I initially found out about her while I was googling about any Asian supermodel, regarding my former obsession about being supermodel......... Hey. Please stop going all 'hmphhhh'.
Well, I was anxious about my height and thought they probably would make exception for Asian supermodels, considering that Asian tend to be shorter than Caucasian. Apparently not. Daul Kim herself reached at least 175 cm tall. Okay. Bye bye runway, bye bye Vogue.

At first I did not think of her as one of those gorgeous models. She looked pretty plain to me. But then I started to get interested in her. I might as well as praised her for not turning into overrated Korean-looks these days... you know, bright coloured T-shirts, plastic surgery, geo-lens, etc. She's being genuine, keeping her fierce figure and slinted eyes.

I googled more about her, found out that she had a blog, and falling for her in instance. Her thoughts were deeply intelligent. Her writings were distinguishable, honest, original, one of a kind.... She was sarcastically witty. Oh yes I strongly suggest you to stroll all over her posts! She's clearly one interesting individual.

I began to routinely check her latest post until one day, her blog was locked to public viewer.
I can't help myself wondering why. Then I found out she committed suicide on November 19th, 2009, hung herself in her apartment in Paris.

Dang.

I indeed did not know her personally, but I feel all sad and grief when I discovered that. You know... immersed in someones' writings might give you the impression that you are kinda know that person, kinda know their personality, etc. Looking thoroughly from what she had been writing, I absolutely can not say that she was one of those short-minded person (which description usually considered fit those who committed suicide)

She read books. And if we are going to make prejudices about someone, they are best corroborated by seeing what kind of literature they have been reading, no?

She read Tolstoy

In case you are not in the mood of clicking the video due to your irresistibly sluggish internet connection and such: Daul was telling that she was reading one of Tolstoy's novels titled Hadji Murad when one of her fellow models asked her what she has been reading.

'Tolstoy,' answered she.

'Ohh you're reading Toy Story!'

'No, Tolstoy.' She shook hear head.

'Oh, Toy Story. You said it Toy Sto-wy'

'It's Tolstoy.' She insisted.

'No, no. That's not how you say it. It's Toy Story.'

Daul then tried spelling it, 'T-o-l-s-t-o-i' (alternative spelling of Tolstoy)

The model responded, 'Who's Tolstoi?' And Daul was like errgghhhh. She hated how the model treated her like she had had bad pronunciation regarding the fact she was non-native English speaker. 

I found it funny yet ironic in the same time.

Well....

Someone who had been reading Tolstoy is indeed not all narrow-minded, isn't she?

Stereotypes let us consequently think that brainy usually does not go along with beauty, so it is understandable that I started to admire her as soon as I knew that she was not one of those kind of models, who were just pretty but pretty much empty-headed.

I do not know what would you think of her after seeing that very video, but to me she had quite bubbly and amiable personality, which made me even sadder.

For some time, I couldn't stop enquiring why on earth she would have ended her life in the first place. In general people's perspective, she had what most girls may dying to have for in life: being top model, etc. Not to mention she was likely on the top of her career just before her death, being one of Karl Lagerfeld's favourite. 

Oh, didn't I mention to you that she was a painter too? She ever held solo exhibition of her painting in Seoul.

May not be considered as well-accomplished in skill, perhaps, but it is art to me. And it is rather deep....

It's like, she's more than just meet the eye, hiding something behind her smiles, darkness beyond colours she had chosen to show. She seemed to be trapped in some kind of loneliness we can't even reach, circumstances we won't even understand. She constantly posted about being depressed and hurting herself, but then she added that she was kidding and just fine, and everyone thought she really was kidding. Until that really happened.

* * *

Her posting in April 2007 titled 'my idol' caught my eye. She wrote about female singer she used to idolize when she was 10. She then elaborate that singer's career, which seemed to deteriorate according to her, because she started to go rather commercial, lose her identity, and then forgotten. Daul then wished that the singer may just die before she released her 3rd album, before her going all famous, so that the singer may remain legend in her heart, remembered as how Daul used to remember her.

I could not really know what could be her urge on doing suicide, what was her last thought.

But if, just if, and I'm not trying to be mean here, only if.....

her reason was just because she wanted to be remembered THIS way, the way I describe Daul like THIS, before she's left forgotten and being nobody,

I think..... that is.... pretty much agreeable.

I love you Daul!

P.S.: You may be wondering why I constantly made reference to her blog despite it was being closed...? It is because her blog was opened again, in archive format! Enjoy reading glimpse of her :)