Few days ago, all of sudden I am reminded of a writing I once wrote when I was a kid, seated in elementary.
As long as I can remember it was pretty absurd in certain way that I grew curious of how would it sounded like if I reread it now. I then tried to find where the file is (I remember I typed and saved it in my computer), but I found nothing. Seems like it was lost due to the reformatting that once done upon the hard-disk.
Anyway, I am going to try to recall what I wrote back then. Can't rewrite it for you in the exact words, of course, so I will just describe what it was like and about.
The writing was inferred from my thorough observation upon this two (familiar to you, I believe) pictures.
When I looked at the first picture (Winter Forest, so it is entitled),
I couldn't think about anything but the images of a poor lumberman who was lost between the woods,
wandering hopelessly in order to find his way back to his wooden hut.
I could even imagine the fear he must had been feeling all the time, which turned into distraught. He yearned for warmth he could have been experiencing on that very moment, by sitting in front of the fireplace, which fire was lit from pieces of lumber he had collected and been carrying all along, and had made his back turned quite sore. He had been screaming for help, crying in desperation for quite awhile, until it was too hurtful for his throat to persist on doing such useless effort. No one would have heard him. No one could have been taking a walk deep into the forest in this frosty blizzard.
Indeed, no one.
And then he was there, lying on the snow, wishing so dearly that the suffering caused by the unmercifully cold weather, and, moreover, the thoughts of his dying alone, would soon end.
After a moment or two, he took his last breath away.
....THAT very ridiculous imagination later caused me to experience inexplicable fright and unpleasant sensation each time I look at the picture. I got so emotionally involved with the things I had been imagining. And I turned to dislike the picture very, very much.
The second picture (Blue Mountain) gave no better impression for me.
It seemed like I could hear the howl of the distressed missing man.
I got extremely terrified.
* * *
Sadly now, when I look at those pictures, my mind tells me nothing about this picture, other than the fact that they are merely pictures of random scenery used by Windows as screensaver. I could barely feel the fright I used to own.
Recently, my mind keeps enquiring ridiculous questions which no one would know the answers (well, merely my assumption. Never try to ask my acquaintances though.)
I think it would be kind of profligate to make single post for each enquiry.
Therefore, I decide to compile them in this very posting.
Enjoy the absurdity of my non-sense thoughts!
#1 When we are living our lifes,
does it mean we are struggling to write our own fate,
or,
no matter how hard our efforts are,
we are actually doing nothing but throwing ourselves into what has been written for us?
#2 Human can't be detached from labels.
Numbers, names, nicknames...
I wonder
in which label God would call us when he talks to us (since I've never experienced such conversation),
for our names are actually human-made?
#3 Jan 16th, 2012 After watching 'The Fight Club' I wonder how would I live my life If I haven't told how to live a decent one by parents, by teachers, friends or society ...Would I live rather freely or I would just end up wandering aimlessly?
#4 How does exactly one (who acclaimes that he has good instinct and such) distinguish between 'instincts' and 'paranoia'?
#...
Will be updated regularly. Feel free to response if you think you have answers to my senseless curiosity.
It's unfair, is not it.
To observe that some people know what they want in life as soon as they learn to talk,
(I'm not exaggerating it. Through Wikipedia I found out recently that some people actually do so.)
while the rest still wondering what really the purpose of their life is when their hair already start to whiten?
Determination.
Is one's ability to possess it brought by nature, from birth
or is it completely autonomous, by nurture?
If it's by nature,
then is it true,
that some people are meant to be something,
and the rest are going to be just nobody?
Random scratch during boring session of certain occasion.
Here and there, I see people shouting and wailing about death cause by starvation, about how unequal and unfair it is...
They say, approximately 25,000 people die of hunger everyday.
What a perplexing statistic and fact, isn't it?
But
I also see how certain people complaining and becoming anxious about how abundant today's world population is. And it keeps growing, due to inability of third world countries to halt birth rate. Failed programs to educate their citizens.
This is where I think it's getting odd.
Why, on earth, do people keep on persisting to decrease death rate caused by poverty, abortions, and such,
when it is actually helping them to prevent uncontrolled growth of earth inhabitants?
Ah, my questioning the motive of people's persistence seems ridiculous, doesn't it?
It's understandable that they keep on doing so:
For the sake of humanity.
Yeah.
But what if I view it this way,
that those phenomenons are simply the way life trying to balance itself?
Balancing between life and death.
Yin and Yang.
Of course, if we view it specifically, case per case of starvation, what I've been saying will seem inappropriate.
After all, they suffer.
It was not instant death. They suffer to the point they have no more urge to live,
wishing that death will approach them himself.
Definitely, this is not the ideal condition we would wish to happen to us.
..........................
Ouch.
This macroscopical point of view makes me sounds cruel, doesn't it?
Either this blows your mind, or you find it as silly as other fallacies are.
Enlighten me, someone?
Things that I thought would ease and have better understanding upon me are starting to demand their rights, too.
Things that used to hold me so I won't fall apart are now ones that torn me.
I don't know which to prioritise,
or I think I know. But then turns out I was wrong.
They are now against me.
I am confused, yet really am weary.
I wish I could just hibernate, or you guys could just ignore me for awhile.
Pretending that I am not here.
I need time to keep up so I will not lose myself.
I am tired.
Not sure if it was too heavy, or it is me who is weak.
But it is amazing is not it, to see how much burden such fragile human can bear?
I am not going to die soon, I promise (at least by my own hands).
I will prove how mighty human is in terms of survival.
The video is not somewhat related to the writing, but watching it enhanced what I have been feeling towards things lately. So I feel like somehow obligatory to embed it here.
